When working with others unless there’s a high level of trust in the relationship, the group dynamics can get very interesting. Each person comes to the collaboration with a unique and often personal view into the situation. I realize that to think that the convergence happens where all the views overlap might be a novice oversight.
Several years ago, I was at a retreat in Utah where fifteen of us stayed (literally, since it was snowing outside) in one house for three whole days. At the beginning of the retreat I knew only one other person. We spent vast majority of our time sitting around in a circle in the living room -- talking. As in any group and especially one consisting of leaders from different organizations, there were lots of opinions. On the first day a very wise man who had been part of many such discussions in the past, suggested one simple rule. To be honest, I don’t remember much else that was discussed at the retreat, but this one idea stuck with me throughout the years. The rule was simply this: every time you feeling like using the word “but” replace it with “Yes – and.” This wasn’t just meant to be a semantic practice, but a chance to truly see how the other persons’ perspective is not necessarily the opposite of your own view. Seeing this in practice for three days really drove it home for me. A subtle shift in perspective and communication can have a huge impact on our entire experience and outcome.
As broad as our perspectives can be, real collaboration can’t happen unless we’re aware that our own views are just a fragment of the whole; and we have to become aware that we’re not aware of our own tunnel vision. How can you see what you don’t see? You can only be open to the idea that there’s something beyond your current vision. When people come to work together with this kind of openness, knowing that each of them only holds a piece of the puzzle, and carry an innate sense of curiosity for learning from each other, wonderful things happens. Not only do they share their ideas but open up the energy flow to allow others to contribute in ways that is vital to the end goal.
As a kid I remember building a sand castle at the beach with my cousins. To my surprise, I still recall that one of my cousins insisted on putting up a pillar of sand close to the gate of the castle. He didn't understand my grand vision to run a canal through the doors of the castle, and encircle the entire building with water thus creating a “river” that would protect the fort. :-) I remember feeling so stripped of my creativity that I quickly lost interest and went off to play a different game.
This is sort of a funny story but I’ve been in groups with adults where this still happens. It’s only when we come to something with openness and a commitment to the end goal, by being aware of the internal process of ourselves and others involved, only then can real convergence take place. The point is not just to come to a place where our ideas overlap and to find a mutual ground, but to allow each other open space to push beyond the current thinking. This is where real convergence happens. We are not the sum of our parts. We add up to a “whole” much larger than all of us combined.
It’s a tall order because the human tendency is to attach ourselves to our own views and be ready to defend them against others at the drop of a hat. But a simple place to start -- is always assuming positive intent whenever anyone shares a different view.
Why prefer to crawl through life?
